I had a friend of Romka. Romka is "Hi, Roma!" and "Roma Roma Roman" songs under guitar, cognac and debers in the kitchen. For his birthday, we gave him a stupid rum with a letter of wishes on every petal. And Romka was embarrassed to smile in the beard. Romku was killed in the war. Stupid, huh? 21st century, centre of Europe, and Romku was killed in the war. He was only 25.

***

She came to live in Canada. Eternal smiles of immigration officers, welcoming workers. I went to get luggage, asked one of the officers to help put an indelible 30-pound bag on the cart, and the answer was with a smile, "no, it's not my job to wear your bags." In tears, I remembered being late on a plane from Moscow to Saratov, the money was in a cut, and I was lost, crying, grabbed a man at a stop, put him in my car and took him to the station, and I got a yogurt bun. I want to go to Russia with all her paradoxes and minus, people live there, not machines with working instructions.

Grandma used to smash Grandpa where he was going to retire. Grandpa's been gone for a year and a half. Grandma still finds his stashes he stole out of a small pension to give us a new year or a birthday.

I'm changing my hair tube shops, putting a blonde clerk in a box with any other color and vice versa. Be careful buying paint. I don't know why I'm doing this. I need that. And maybe a new hair color for you.

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